my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
