Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
