like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
