No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
