you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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