I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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