Where did you get a picture of my penis
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
