You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
