census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So squirting runs in the family.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
