when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
