Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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