i permit you to call me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize