Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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