also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
