i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
