if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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