Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
