i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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