He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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