he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
