Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
