Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
