ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
