ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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