You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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