he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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