I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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