...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
