He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
