I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
