Will you blow on my dice?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
