Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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