Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
