i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
and you fell through a lawn chair
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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