I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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