my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
