if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
