i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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