I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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