too bad you live with your parents still
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
