please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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