There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize