you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Enjoy the penises
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
