Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
