Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
