you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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