i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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