I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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