Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
