I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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