The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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