you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
