I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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