How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
