oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
