Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
id be glad to
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm like, not good at living.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
