Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
