I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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