My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
