dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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