Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
