oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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