I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
