That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
