She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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