So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
