Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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