i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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