weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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