where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
