her vagine was all disorganized.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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