i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
