I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
