Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
