Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
