Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
