We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
