why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
