It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
