jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
