Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
