Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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