He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
