think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think I died a long time ago.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
