Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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