I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
