youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
