Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
