Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
