I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize