Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
