im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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