Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
