i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
