im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
