He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
