All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
