Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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